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hi.

i write stuff. if you wish to know more, you can click on “about kenneth suna.”

THE AFFAIR

New front desk phones! A generous gift from Corporate. Our new phones came with laminated phone scripts detailing how to properly respond to a call: "Good evening and thank you for calling The Gym! My name is Kenneth. How may I provide you with excellent service today?"

Of course, the first call that came in when I was on duty was from, who else? A crazy person.

What I didn't know is that the phone had a malfunction that caused a five second delay in response from the caller. After regurgitating the script, I waited a moment. Nothing.

"Hello?" I asked. 

"Who the fuck is this?" The voice on the other end of the line wanted to know.

"Excuse me?"

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" The voice screamed.

I hesitated, giving him the exact ammunition he needed. "Stop. Calling. This. Number. And STOP FUCKING MY WIFE. What is your god damn name?"

"My name is Kenneth, but --"

"But nothing. I checked her phone records and this number pops up every couple of days at the same fucking time. Stop ruining my family!" 

"Sir," I said. "You've called The Gym. Is it possible that your wife is a member here? Or maybe she inquired about a membership? Our sales consultants can be relentless."

Silence. And then confirmation that his wife was indeed a member of The Gym. And now it made sense, because she had a personal trainer, too, and was "always running late for something. That must've been who was calling her every couple of days around the same ... time."

CAN YOU GET AIDS FROM THIS?